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Lessons for all of us Jul 12, 2007 (37 of 45 found this helpful)
This book consists of 13 chapters spanning 287 pages. I'll talk a bit about what's in them and how this book just might change your life. It provides a detailed look at a subject that often "goes back burner" in our busy lives.
Assessing
In ten of those 13 chapters (3 - 12), you'll find a 20-question assessment. The point of these assessments isn't to compete with others for "best score." Read the whole book, and you should draw the same conclusion (even if you're hyper competitive). The authors intend for the reader into using these as a tool for personal development. Using metrics is a fundamental aspect of managing anything, and these assessments provide that.
While giving is important, you can't always give 100% in every situation. Some will abuse that, and the drain on you will prevent you from doing good where it counts the most. Balance, moderation, and good judgment are all important when assessing your giving patterns. So, it's good to understand the many forms of giving so you can achieve the proper balance that best suits you. Think in terms of tuning up, not ramping up, your patterns of giving and you will probably have the best results.
These assessments can also lead you down the wrong path, if you aren't thinking clearly about them. For example, many of the questions appear to support behavior that involves interfering in other people's lives, "fixing" other people, and butting in where you don't belong. To reduce this, read the whole book and understand the difference between giving for selfish reasons and joyous giving. Recipients can usually pick up on this, which is why (for example) different ways of offering the same helpful advice can elicit completely different reactions.
Some of the questions, such as "I try to donate blood regularly" are inappropriate or improperly structured/rendered. Do you really want an unhealthy person donating blood and then succumbing to exhaustion so medical intervention is required (I know of an actual case). Or contaminating the blood supply?
Donating blood is no minor thing--the amount of blood taken has a noticeable effect on anyone who is already "operating on the margins." Think of airline pilots and truck drivers, for example. Athletes, also must be cautious. Climbing is one of the most demanding sports there is. Suppose a climber gives blood and then gets dizzy during a climb--and other people are depending on that person for their safety. The climber's inappropriate giving decision has negative consequences. Someone who intends to run a marathon next month should postpone giving blood. And so on.
I'm not saying it's bad to give blood. I am saying that whether you give blood or not isn't a measure of how giving you are (it could be a measure of how inconsiderate or reckless you are, or it could be something very positive) and the question should be modified to use giving blood as an example of a concept, rather than as a specific metric. Unfortunately, these assessments mix concepts and specifics, and in so doing lose much of their value.
Questions like "I think it's important to leave this world better than I found it" are so vague as to be useless. Who is going to disagree and say, "I think it's important to leave this world worse than I found it"? Nobody, of course. So, this question skews the scores.
The assessments also have an annoying feature the authors can easily fix before the next printing. Presently, you answer on a scale of 1 to 6, and then go back and reassign scores on those questions that are "reverse" questions. Rather than put the reader through this needless gyration, it would be simpler, less confusing, and less prone to error if the answers themselves were just redone. So where there's a "reverse" question, the potential answers would appear in the same order but their associated numbers would be in reverse order, thus eliminating an extra
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Why Good Things Happen May 20, 2007 (27 of 27 found this helpful)
We are blessed to live in Cleveland with the opportunity to hear Dr. Post on occasion.
Visit his web site, Institute for Research on Unlimited love (IRUL) as he just might be visiting near you, then you can feel his special quality. For me, he tells a simple truth in the first chapter, Find the Fire, when he says if he could take one word into eternity, it would be "give." Think about the "giving" in your own life, then you can see where this book will take you.
Dr. Post says "It is full of great stories of love, great science, and great suggestions for a better life. This is a book that is good for you and your loved ones. It breaks love down into ten modulations in ten chapters (celebration, generativity, forgiveness, carefrontation [courage], humor & mirth, respect, compassion, loyalty, listening, and creativity)." We agree: find the fire.
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Why Good Things Happen To Good People May 26, 2007 (26 of 26 found this helpful)
I had reached page 29 of "Why Good Things Happen to Good People" when I decided to go for a walk in the woods with this book and my new flute. I made myself comfortable in my favorite spot by a trickling stream and opened the book to page 30. The first words my eyes rested upon were.... "Then I walked into the woods, a chapel carved by nature." I immediately knew that I was meant to read this book.
The central theme of Post's and Neimark's book is that if we give to others from our hearts ( not from thought of benefit or reward) that we will reap benefits glorious and unimaginable. I was thrilled that the authors made the definite point that we all have different ways of giving and that once we become aware of these various avenues of sharing ourselves with others, we can expand on our abilities to do so. I personally feel that I am not as up to par with some methods of giving as I am with others. This book reassured me that even if I don't remember birthdays or think of special things to give people during the year, that some of the other activities I engage in are just as important. Activism, being a good listener, expressing joy and humor, can also contribute to lighting up people's lives. We need to find our strengths and capitalize on them. We also need to realize that we are not limited to our natural giving tendencies. "Why Good Things Happen to Good People" shares ideas as to how we can break free from a stagnant pattern and become more joyful while doing so.
I loved the authors' concept that forgiveness is also a form of giving and that holding grudges or hatred towards others negatively affects our own lives as well as the lives of those we are bearing the grudge against. This book is full of practical advice and helpful examples. I would like to share a quote from pages 85-86. It is one of my favorite contemplative exercises from the book.
" Start counting people (from family to friends, colleagues, and neighbors) against whom you bear a grudge or resentment, even relatively small ones. Imagine putting a potato into a sack for every slight or hurt you have not forgiven. Now, imagine that for a week you have to carry that sack around everywhere you go - to the bathroom, in the car or on the train, to work, at your desk, at meetings, during mealtime and in bed at night. Have a good laugh at the amusing image. Don't you feel exhausted just contemplating that huge sack of potatoes?"
The authors have included many studies which have been conducted on the physical and emotional benefits of the various forms of giving. There are also tests throughout the book which help you to gauge where you currently stand and also to help you to monitor your progress towards any goals you may set for yourself.
This book has helped me to understand where my strengths lie and is an ongoing guide towards future goals. "Why Good Things Happen to Good People" is a book about love and caring and leads us together on the path to creating a better world. Everyone should read this book. I know I'm going to keep my copy close at hand.
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Why Good Things Happen to Good People Jul 18, 2007 (15 of 15 found this helpful)
Good Things Happen to Good People. Okay so we all know that that statement isn't completely true. All of you reading this review are probably pretty good people and likely you've had some difficulties and not so nice things happen to you. Life isn't always roses and sunshine.
Frankly, I hated this title but I liked the book. I feel like the title suggested that I get ready for some sort of sermon about how all the troubles in my life were caused by my own lack of perfection. However, once I started reading, I was happily surprised. I found stories of individuals whose lives were definitely less than perfection but who had rose above their situation to find a greater good in that experience. I believe that we experience everything for a reason and that often the most difficult situations lead us to important understandings about ourselves and the world around us. I think that often those darkest moments direct us to our passion. Illustrating this phoenix like potential in all of us is the strongest, most important point of Good Things Happen to Good People.
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Importance of living a life of love Jul 16, 2007 (11 of 12 found this helpful)
Can doing good--and being good--actually change the quality of our own lives?
Dr. Stephen Post argues yes. As professor of bioethics at Case Western Reserve University's School of Medicine, Dr. Post has studied the physical, biological, and emotional changes that occur when people look beyond themselves and consider others. Those who actively meet the needs of others begin to experience key changes in their physiology, changes that Post and Neimark track and chart in this powerful new book.
As Dr. Post explains: "science shows that giving shifts our psychology and our biology, no matter what our age, experience, or walk of life." Among other evidence, the authors cite a remarkable study by Dr. Paul Wink. Wink's research discovers that a life of giving to others appears to protect the physical and emotional health of the giver.
Quoting Dr. Martin Luther King and many others, Post and Neimark explain that when we genuinely love others, when we extend our hearts in compassion toward their needs, we trigger powerful hormonal reactions that not only make us feel better but actually increase our quality of life and perhaps our longevity as well. Post has created a "Love and Longevity Scale," which is a helpful way of exploring these ideas in action.
In beautifully written prose (Neimark is a novelist and children's book author) the thirteen chapters of this book explore loving, giving, helping--and the benefits that accrue to those who live this way. In the end, Dr. Post will argue that "a loving life is the only credible way of life." Although written from the halls of science rather than the pews of religious study, Post's work echoes Christ's comments that by giving to others "those who lose their (selfish) life...will find (true) life."
A gentle and persuasive book, these pages call us to wage love, not war, in the world of human need that is all around us.
A Note about the reviewer: Together with wife Lisa, Dr. David Frisbie serves as co-executive director of The Center for Marriage & Family Studies in Del Mar, California. He is the author of numerous published articles and eight books, including "Happily Remarried."
Armchair Interviews says: A "scientist's" viewpoint on the importance of living a life of love.